Eater.com reports, “Poor Conan O’Brien: ever since the late night television host moved to Los Angeles, he can’t get a decent slice of pizza.”

“He’s in New York this week, though, so he headed to Joe’s Pizza to learn the proper art of pie making. (Turns out the key to the cheese is handling it gently, “like a boobie.”) After complaining about Los Angeles pizza to owner Joe Pozzuoli — “This has squash blossoms, eggs, hazelnuts, and crab…This is a $600 pizza” — Conan takes over the store: “You’re all welcome to any free pizza here, any time you want. I haven’t cleared this with Joe, but…”