Pizza Pouch is Neck-Bound Lifesaver

We've heard of Saint Bernards with tiny casks of brandy tied around their necks. Now you pizza junkies with a vibe-threatening slice deficit disorder can find a quick cheesy fix at chest level–their own chest!

That's right, according to Odditymall.com, the Portable Pizza Pouch is the newest thing in edible neckwear preserving your hot slice reviver behind a layer of zip-locked plastic. A woven lanyard embraces the crusty deliciousness near and dear to your heart. It's offered for $8, plus shipping, by the online geniuses at Stupidiotic, who recently hawked the equally oxymoronic pizza slicer fork. The plastic pizza stash product description reads:  “Sadly, (often tragically) pizza is not always available for immediate hand-to-mouth consumption. Prepare yourself. Keep and carry a backup slice with this specially designed Pizza Pouch. A durable zip-lock sealing neck-strap pie slice device. Always fresh and ready.” Not only do the Stupididiotic folks claim the Pizza Pouch can save you from starvation. Remember, we're talking marketers, not the U.S. Congress. They also swear sporting a pizza necklace can make you more popular.

Find out more about the the Pizza Pouch's impact as an aphrodisiac.